It’s not about you

I find it very hard to write for this blog, as I know it can be a topic that people feel uncomfortable with. So whilst in the process of typing and saving but not publishing or coming up with ideas for posts, then feeling too apprehensive to write them, I decided to take some time to think and analyse why this is such a difficult topic to write about.

There is a need, or at least a tendency, to talk about things in very generalised terms when discussing many issues of discrimination. This often involves lumping perceived oppressors into one big generic group, unfortunately within feminism this normally means talking about ‘men’ or even ‘white males’. This can of course annoy people who fit this description as they might see it as a personal attack. The important thing to remember though is that when feminists talk about ‘the patriarchy’ or ‘men’ they are not necessarily talking about you (unless of course you are oppressing women, in which case maybe take some time to reflect on that). It is a generalised term, like when hippies talk about ‘the man’, they are not referring to one specific man, rather that are using a generalised term to discuss the system which runs our society. It does happen that many men, many white men, do run a lot of the largest media, financial and other institutions in the Western world and generally it might be more these men that are being referred to.

Basically, what I am trying to say is don’t take it as a personal attack. Instead listen, and try to understand what the problems are. By all means reflect on your own life. Try to identify if there are any areas you could be more constructive. It might just be a case of getting better at listening, and trusting when other people tell you what it is like to be a type of person you can’t identify as (female, gay, trans, black, Asian, whatever). Don’t try to second guess other people experiences, trust them if they tell you cat-calling is a problem or they aren’t free to go out as they please because they have to schedule their evenings around the potential threat of violence and sexual assault. Trying to argue against someone else’s personal experiences of discrimination, or getting defensive can make them feel like you are invalidating what they are saying. A little empathy goes a long way.

It’s not about you, but you can help. Sorry if you feel attacked but don’t get mad at feminists, get mad at the people who control a system that forces movements like feminism to be necessary.